What Would You Do?

The popular show on ABC that acts out different scenarios in public places to see if anyone will react and step in.  Tonight the show is about bullying.
The scene:  a young man who happens to be an albino is sitting on a street bench when two other young men come up and start harassing him.  Out of the 200 people who passed by that day only 14 stopped to help.  Fourteen!!  Why?  Why aren't more people willing to stand up for someone being bullied?
The scenario was changed up a bit to include a girlfriend sitting with the young man on the bench.  And still most people walked on by.
But of the 14 who stopped to intervene, I applaud you!  These people were not afraid to say something, to stop the bullying.  They knew it wasn't right and they were strong enough to say so.  They did what we all should do in this case, stand up for what you believe in.  Treat others like you would want to be treated, in this case, help this person who is being bullied just like you would want someone to help you if you were the one sitting on the bench.  Often times it only takes one person to step in and then others find their strength to step in too.
The actor playing the young man on the bench was brought to tears at the compassion of those who helped him.  He said that this scenario happens to him often but usually no one is strong enough to step in and say anything.
All I can say is put yourself in his shoes.  Think about how it would make you feel to be bullied and watch others just walk on by, willing to let it continue happening.  Isn't that what happened with Jesus when he went before the Sanhedrin?  I have to imagine that there was at least one person in that room who disagreed with what was happening.  Unfortunately that one person did not stand up for what he knew was wrong.
Which person do you want to be?  Are you willing to let fear lead you?  Are you willing to walk on by and see the behavior as acceptable?  Can you justify ignoring the situation?  Are you always going to be willing to let others lead the way even if you disagree?
Stand up, be counted, be willing to say "this is wrong."  Don't walk on by.

Want to watch the episode with host John Quinones, click here:  http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2012/03/man-with-albinism-bullied-on-street-would-you-step-in/

Ohio School Shooting

In thinking about and praying for all those affected by this horrible tragedy, I am wondering why there are always conflicting reports.  As usual there are the similar reports that the shooter was an outcast, dressed in goth style, and didn't have many friends.
The conflict that is present, which I seem to notice happens often when things like this happen, is that some are saying he was bullied and others are saying he was never bullied.  I saw the same thing happening with Ruth Ann Payton, the 12 year old girl who killed herself two weeks ago.
Are others just not willing to admit there was bullying?  Are they afraid of being bullied themselves if they speak up?  Or do they just not want to get involved?
The school here in Chetek where Payton attended says they have things in place to prevent and report bullying.  But as teachers and counselors were meeting with the kids after Payton's death no one was saying anything about bullying, therefore making the school feel that bullying was not an issue.  I really don't like to accuse or suggest that the school officials were not telling the truth, but we all know that bullying goes on everywhere.  What I don't understand is why reports coming from outside the perimeter of the school grounds say bullying was definitely a part of this girls decision to end her life at such a young age.
My heart goes out to the families in Ohio who are having to deal with children who were injured yesterday, it goes out to everyone having to understand their feelings and fears.  It especially goes out to the family who lost a child.  No parent should have to suffer that.  And my heart goes out to the family of the shooter and him.  Obviously this boy, this child, was hurting in some way to make him feel the need to hurt and kill other kids.  I cannot pretend to know or understand why.  But it breaks my heart.
What are your thoughts on this tragedy?  What are your thoughts on why kids don't want to admit that bullying is occurring?  Are we as parents and educators, pastors dropping the ball somewhere?  Are we causing them to fear telling us these things or admitting these things?  I just want to understand.

Teacher Against Bullying

A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stomp on it and really mess it up, but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty it was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said..................they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bullys another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home.

Taylor Swift

Anybody heard Taylor Swift's new song "Mean"
She wrote it because a critic was bullying her.

Student Takes On Bullying

David Levine

This is a powerful video from one of our local high school students

In video, Kingston High School student takes on bullying (video included)

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The Bully Tapes

David Levine
Another update...Thanks

The Bully Tapes
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Recognizing the Warning Signs

There are many warning signs that could indicate that someone is involved in bullying, either by bullying others or by being bullied.  However, these warning signs may indicate other issues or problems, as well.  If you are a parent oreducator, learn more about talking to someone about bullying.

Being Bullied

• Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings
• Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing, or jewelry
• Has unexplained injuries
• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick
• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams
• Has changes in eating habits
• Hurts themselves
• Are very hungry after school from not eating their lunch
• Runs away from home
• Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends
• Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers
• Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school
• Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home
• Talks about suicide
• Feels helpless
• Often feels like they are not good enough
• Blames themselves for their problems
• Suddenly has fewer friends
• Avoids certain places
• Acts differently than usual  

from: http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/warning_signs/index.html

Let's get some dialogue going.....

What is the most recent bullying incident that you've seen?  Real or portrayed on tv, it doesn't matter.  What would you have done in this situation?  How did it make you feel?

Think

Cyber Bullying from bullyingstatistics.org

Cyber bullying affects many adolescents and teens on a daily basis. Cyber bullying involves using technology, like cell phones and the Internet, to bully or harass another person.Cyber bullying can take many forms:

• Sending mean messages or threats to a person's email account or cell phone
• Spreading rumors online or through texts
• Posting hurtful or threatening messages on social networking sites or web pages
• Stealing a person's account information to break into their account and send damaging messages
• Pretending to be someone else online to hurt another person
• Taking unflattering pictures of a person and spreading them through cell phones or the Internet
• Sexting, or circulating sexually suggestive pictures or messages about a person

Cyber bullying can be very damaging to adolescents and teens. It can lead to anxiety,depression, and even suicide. Also, once things are circulated on the Internet, they may never disappear, resurfacing at later times to renew the pain of cyber bullying.

Many cyber bullies think that bullying others online is funny. Cyber bullies may not realize the consequences for themselves of cyberbullying. The things teens post online now may reflect badly on them later when they apply for college or a job. Cyber bullies can lose their cell phone or online accounts for cyber bullying. Also, cyber bullies and their parents may face legal charges for cyber bullying, and if the cyber bullying was sexual in nature or involved sexting, the results can include being registered as a sex offender. Teens may think that if they use a fake name they won't get caught, but there are many ways to track some one who is cyber bullying.

Despite the potential damage of cyber bullying, it is alarmingly common among adolescents and teens. According to Cyber bullying statistics from the i-SAFE foundation:

• Over half of adolescents and teens have been bullied online, and about the same number have engaged in cyber bullying.
• More than 1 in 3 young people have experienced cyberthreats online.
• Over 25 percent of adolescents and teens have been bullied repeatedly through their cell phones or the Internet.
• Well over half of young people do not tell their parents when cyber bullying occurs.

The Harford County Examiner reported similarly concerning cyber bullying statistics:

• Around half of teens have been the victims of cyber bullying
• Only 1 in 10 teens tells a parent if they have been a cyber bully victim
• Fewer than 1 in 5 cyber bullying incidents are reported to law enforcement
• 1 in 10 adolescents or teens have had embarrassing or damaging pictures taken of themselves without their permission, often using cell phone cameras
• About 1 in 5 teens have posted or sent sexually suggestive or nude pictures of themselves to others
• Girls are somewhat more likely than boys to be involved in cyber bullying

The Cyberbullying Research Center also did a series of surveys that found these cyber bullying statistics:

• Over 80 percent of teens use a cell phone regularly, making it the most popular form of technology and a common medium for cyber bullying
• About half of young people have experienced some form of cyber bullying, and 10 to 20 percent experience it regularly
• Mean, hurtful comments and spreading rumors are the most common type of cyber bullying
• Girls are at least as likely as boys to be cyber bullies or their victims
• Boys are more likely to be threatened by cyber bullies than girls
• Cyber bullying affects all races
• Cyber bullying victims are more likely to have low self esteem and to consider suicide

Parents and teens can do some things that help reduce the cyber bullying statistics:

• Talks to teens about cyber bullying, explaining that it is wrong and can have serious consequences. Make a rule that teens may not send mean or damaging messages, even if someone else started it, or suggestive pictures or messages or they will lose their cell phone and computer privileges for a time.
• Encourage teens to tell an adult if cyber bullying is occurring. Tell them if they are the victims they will not be punished, and reassure them that being bullied is not their fault.
• Teens should keep cyber bullying messages as proof that the cyber bullying is occurring. The teens' parents may want to talk to the parents of the cyber bully, to the bully's Internet or cell phone provider, and/or to the police about the messages, especially if they are threatening or sexual in nature.
• Try blocking the person sending the messages. It may be necessary to get a new phone number or email address and to be more cautious about giving out the new number or address.
• Teens should never tell their password to anyone except a parent, and should not write it down in a place where it could be found by others.
• Teens should not share anything through text or instant messaging on their cell phone or the Internet that they would not want to be made public - remind teens that the person they are talking to in messages or online may not be who they think they are, and that things posted electronically may not be secure.
• Encourage teens never to share personal information online or to meet someone they only know online.
• Keep the computer in a shared space like the family room, and do not allow teens to have Internet access in their own rooms.
• Encourage teens to have times when they turn off the technology, such as at family meals or after a certain time at night.
• Parents may want to wait until high school to allow their teens to have their own email and cell phone accounts, and even then parents should still have access to the accounts.

If teens have been the victims or perpetuators of cyber bullying they may need to talk to acounselor or therapist to overcome depression or other harmful effects of cyber bullying.

Sources:

Richard Webster, Harford County Examiner, "From cyber bullying to sexting: What on your kids' cell?" [online]

i-SAFE Inc., "Cyber Bullying: Statistics and Tips" [online]

Cyberbullying Research Center, "Summary of our cyberbullying research from 2004-2010" [online]

National Crime Prevention Council, "Cyberbullying" [online]